“… You were taught and prepared for the circumstances you would personally encounter in mortality. … Your memory of premortal life would be kept from you to assure that it would be a valid test, but there would be guidance given to show you how to live. Our Father’s plan for salvation in this life with the opportunity of returning to Him would be called the gospel of Jesus Christ” (“Truth Restored,” Liahona and Ensign, Nov. 2005, 78–79
My cousin Alicia related a scary experience with her little girl Maddie on Beech Tree. She said that she had not signed up for this and that my Aunt Joan had related the visiting teaching message to her for the month of June and that she had indeed known what she would face.
I hadn't read the visiting teaching message yet this month. My Ensign subscription ran out a couple of months ago and I didn't want to renew it until we moved (I thought it would be happening sooner than this). The women I visit teach are all in the states, and my visiting teachers didn't technically visit this month. I've meant to get on line and read but I hadn't. So... when I read Alicia's blog I was intrigued. It is something I have been pondering a great deal lately. I am so thankful for my cousin and the thoughts she shared and for a wise and loving aunt that gave such beautiful counsel (I'm guessing it was probably done in a teasing manner, knowing both of them, but it's still beautiful and wise).
Today was kind of a hard day with Ellyn and for Ellyn. She was upset about going to school. Her therapist called to say she was tugging on her ear and she thought she had an ear infection. I told her "no, she's just upset this morning. It is just comforting for her." This evening Sadie and I had a date planned. Jane was going to her first young women activity (a month early) and I had Ellyn's respite person coming over to watch Ellyn. Sadie and I were so excited. We planned all week, we were going to go out to eat (at the food court) and then going to see Kung Foo Panda. Our Respite person mentioned how badly she had been wanting to see it. I asked Sadie if she thought it would be alright if after we ate Miss Suzanne and Ellyn came to the movie with us and she said that it would be fine if I sat by her (movies only play a few times here on post). Sadie and I left for dinner, Ellyn was happy. We came back to find Ellyn in a screaming fit in our backyard and Miss Suzanne sweating and worn out from trying to make her happy. I sent Suzanne to sit with Sadie and Sawyer in the car while I calmed Ellyn down and we made our way to the car. The movie started out well but then Ellyn got really happy and really loud (we have taken her to movies with varying degrees of success, animated has always worked). In her excitement she grabbed Miss Suzanne's finger and bit it and would not let go until her jaw was pried open. Suzanne was very patient but I could tell she was in alot of pain (it hurts and I'm used to it). Ellyn continued to make noise and I decided it was time to go, if she could be heard over a theater full of kids it was too much. So I loaded Ellyn and Sawyer in the stroller and left Sadie and Suzanne to finish the movie.
I wasn't all that frustrated, I felt badly that my date with Sadie had not turned out the way I wanted it (we watched a movie here at home together after Ellyn went to sleep). I also felt a little bit hopeless, I was the only one that could deal with Ellyn right then, not even my respite could be respite. As I was walking very slowly up the road ( I was wearing wedge heeled sandals and I did have an hour and ten minutes to kill) I thought back to earlier when Sadie and I were at the food court. There is a little 12 year old girl missing, her name is Brooke Bennett. I hope she is found and that there is a happy ending. Obviously hearing the name on CNN gave me an immediate jolt. Brooke Bennett, as I walked I realized that in five more years I will have been Brooke Stinchfield for as long as I had been Brooke Bennett (sorry, Brooke Bennett still sounds better). I thought of that time oh so long ago and what I would have thought if I knew what life would have in store. Would I have been up for the "adventure?" I'm not saying my life is so, so hard or so, so easy. I was just reflecting on all that it entailed. Did I know what I would be dealing with when I came to this life? My mom and I talked a few months ago about Ellyn. Mom said what a special spirit she must have been to know that she was coming down to this body and mind and its limitations. I have wondered how much she might have been aware of, God knows what we will face but did we? Sometimes when she is awake at night upstairs in her room making her happy little sounds or crying in frustration I lay in my bed and weep, I don't know how much she comprehends, how much things hurt, or don't hurt, how much she senses during my times of frustration. This beautiful spirit in this beautiful little body. Mike doesn't love when I relate too much about our difficult times with Ellyn. He wants to maintain her privacy and her dignity and I completely understand and agree. But they are also a huge part of our everyday lives.
But this is what I want to say. I would do it all and more. Ellyn is worth it all, she is amazing and brings so much joy to our family, so much selfless love and service from my daughters. Her love for us is so pure and unconditional, it is overwhelming.
Tonight we left the movie theater and started walking, after about 10 minutes Ellyn climbed out of her seat and walked with me, holding my hand. She would turn her head to the wind when a breeze came along, stop to look at the lighted crosswalk signs, swish her dress happily with her hand one minute and then flap it with happiness and excitement the next. She looked up at me and gave me huge smiles, she laughed, she ran to big grassy areas to lay down and look up at the sky. It was a beautiful evening, almost as bright as an afternoon, breezy, so all of the aspen leaves were shaking all of their shades of green. I couldn't help but be incredibly grateful for the calm and peace the Lord provided when He created this beautiful earth, nature, my Balm of Gilead. It was a beautiful evening and I am grateful for that time I was able to spend with Ellyn, grateful for the time to think, and the time to recognize the beauty all around me.
Well the kids are asleep and Jane just walked in the door brimming with stories to share of her night's adventure. Enough of my rambling. Good night.
My cousin Alicia related a scary experience with her little girl Maddie on Beech Tree. She said that she had not signed up for this and that my Aunt Joan had related the visiting teaching message to her for the month of June and that she had indeed known what she would face.
I hadn't read the visiting teaching message yet this month. My Ensign subscription ran out a couple of months ago and I didn't want to renew it until we moved (I thought it would be happening sooner than this). The women I visit teach are all in the states, and my visiting teachers didn't technically visit this month. I've meant to get on line and read but I hadn't. So... when I read Alicia's blog I was intrigued. It is something I have been pondering a great deal lately. I am so thankful for my cousin and the thoughts she shared and for a wise and loving aunt that gave such beautiful counsel (I'm guessing it was probably done in a teasing manner, knowing both of them, but it's still beautiful and wise).
Today was kind of a hard day with Ellyn and for Ellyn. She was upset about going to school. Her therapist called to say she was tugging on her ear and she thought she had an ear infection. I told her "no, she's just upset this morning. It is just comforting for her." This evening Sadie and I had a date planned. Jane was going to her first young women activity (a month early) and I had Ellyn's respite person coming over to watch Ellyn. Sadie and I were so excited. We planned all week, we were going to go out to eat (at the food court) and then going to see Kung Foo Panda. Our Respite person mentioned how badly she had been wanting to see it. I asked Sadie if she thought it would be alright if after we ate Miss Suzanne and Ellyn came to the movie with us and she said that it would be fine if I sat by her (movies only play a few times here on post). Sadie and I left for dinner, Ellyn was happy. We came back to find Ellyn in a screaming fit in our backyard and Miss Suzanne sweating and worn out from trying to make her happy. I sent Suzanne to sit with Sadie and Sawyer in the car while I calmed Ellyn down and we made our way to the car. The movie started out well but then Ellyn got really happy and really loud (we have taken her to movies with varying degrees of success, animated has always worked). In her excitement she grabbed Miss Suzanne's finger and bit it and would not let go until her jaw was pried open. Suzanne was very patient but I could tell she was in alot of pain (it hurts and I'm used to it). Ellyn continued to make noise and I decided it was time to go, if she could be heard over a theater full of kids it was too much. So I loaded Ellyn and Sawyer in the stroller and left Sadie and Suzanne to finish the movie.
I wasn't all that frustrated, I felt badly that my date with Sadie had not turned out the way I wanted it (we watched a movie here at home together after Ellyn went to sleep). I also felt a little bit hopeless, I was the only one that could deal with Ellyn right then, not even my respite could be respite. As I was walking very slowly up the road ( I was wearing wedge heeled sandals and I did have an hour and ten minutes to kill) I thought back to earlier when Sadie and I were at the food court. There is a little 12 year old girl missing, her name is Brooke Bennett. I hope she is found and that there is a happy ending. Obviously hearing the name on CNN gave me an immediate jolt. Brooke Bennett, as I walked I realized that in five more years I will have been Brooke Stinchfield for as long as I had been Brooke Bennett (sorry, Brooke Bennett still sounds better). I thought of that time oh so long ago and what I would have thought if I knew what life would have in store. Would I have been up for the "adventure?" I'm not saying my life is so, so hard or so, so easy. I was just reflecting on all that it entailed. Did I know what I would be dealing with when I came to this life? My mom and I talked a few months ago about Ellyn. Mom said what a special spirit she must have been to know that she was coming down to this body and mind and its limitations. I have wondered how much she might have been aware of, God knows what we will face but did we? Sometimes when she is awake at night upstairs in her room making her happy little sounds or crying in frustration I lay in my bed and weep, I don't know how much she comprehends, how much things hurt, or don't hurt, how much she senses during my times of frustration. This beautiful spirit in this beautiful little body. Mike doesn't love when I relate too much about our difficult times with Ellyn. He wants to maintain her privacy and her dignity and I completely understand and agree. But they are also a huge part of our everyday lives.
But this is what I want to say. I would do it all and more. Ellyn is worth it all, she is amazing and brings so much joy to our family, so much selfless love and service from my daughters. Her love for us is so pure and unconditional, it is overwhelming.
Tonight we left the movie theater and started walking, after about 10 minutes Ellyn climbed out of her seat and walked with me, holding my hand. She would turn her head to the wind when a breeze came along, stop to look at the lighted crosswalk signs, swish her dress happily with her hand one minute and then flap it with happiness and excitement the next. She looked up at me and gave me huge smiles, she laughed, she ran to big grassy areas to lay down and look up at the sky. It was a beautiful evening, almost as bright as an afternoon, breezy, so all of the aspen leaves were shaking all of their shades of green. I couldn't help but be incredibly grateful for the calm and peace the Lord provided when He created this beautiful earth, nature, my Balm of Gilead. It was a beautiful evening and I am grateful for that time I was able to spend with Ellyn, grateful for the time to think, and the time to recognize the beauty all around me.
Well the kids are asleep and Jane just walked in the door brimming with stories to share of her night's adventure. Enough of my rambling. Good night.
Comments
I love that first quote. I'm even thinking of stealing it and putting it on my blog. What an incredible truth and missionary tool, right? oh, and tell Janie not to be jealous of us all moving to WA. We're all CRAZY jealous of where you're moving to!!