Sadie "Coming Out," October 12, 2020

It took me a while to find what to say on coming out day. I found myself sitting back, reading families and friends stories without even considering that I had important things to touch on.

This is what I have learned about coming out. It is not a one time, big thing that starts and finishes with one announcement. I come out every single day. To my doctor, random cashiers at Trader Joe’s, the woman walking her dog at the same time Natalie and I walk ours, my coworkers, the guy in line at Chipotle that won’t stop staring at my hand in Natalie’s, my tattoo artist, my neighbors, etc. It is still scary, every single day.

Sometimes when telling a story about my partner, I find myself saying “friend” instead of “girlfriend” because I didn’t feel brave enough in that moment. It’s hard, not knowing who is going to accept you and who is going to shut you down without a second chance.

People in heterosexual relationships have the privilege of bragging about their significant other without worrying about losing a job opportunity, a friend, an income, or a lease. If you think someone acts “too gay” or is “too obvious” or “flamboyant” consider their bravery, the choice they made to be completely themselves. Presenting as gay is not only brave, but it is also a form of security. If I am very obviously gay, people will make decisions about me before they even meet me, and I won’t have to deal with the rejection personally. It’s just another form of coming out.

It frustrates and saddens me that people will judge me, hate me, and possibly hurt me for who I love. I am in love with the smartest, craziest, sweetest woman in the world and I am so proud of be hers. But without even knowing us and the beautiful relationship we have, people decide we shouldn’t be allowed to marry, that we don’t love each other like husband and wife do.

I want to spend the rest of every day with this woman. I want to wash the dishes with her and fall asleep with her and raise beautiful sticky little gremlins with her and make her the happiest woman alive as long as I possibly can. In order to have this, we will have to continue coming out every day for the rest of our lives. Think of every person you see in a day. That’s how many people we come out to every day, just being out in public. Please help us create a world where coming out doesn’t have to be tied to fear. When we have kids, I want to be able to take them to the grocery store without harsh angry stares. I don’t want my children to be alienated because they have two moms, because in a way, they will be coming out for us as well. Be kind, be open-minded, and PLEASE learn the actual meanings of the Bible. Please. If you use religion to justify your homophobia you aren’t a real christian and you don’t understand the teachings of the gospel.

Thank you to everyone who has supported me and loved me and accepted me. Coming out is one of the hardest things I have ever done, and it will continue to be until this world starts to change. Love is love is love is love is love.