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Sad, sad, sad

I have not been posting lately and I know I am going to regret it. These are the days when you blink and your little ones are all grown up. I am having quite the time trying to juggle all things important in life. Keep running, drop laundry. Do laundry, drop blogging. Do blogging, drop spending quality time with my husband. Spend quality time with husband, drop dishes. Do dishes, drop Tuesday morning with girlfriends. See where this is going? That is just the day to day. It does not include holidays or prep for the holidays, or anything out of the ordinary that life throws our way. So blogging has gone by the wayside.

I am also in a quandary when it comes to my blog. I feel like I'm just scratching the surface, that there is so much more going on. This is supposed to be my means of journaling as well as scrapbooking but I feel like it's the cheese and crackers instead of the feast. Partly for time's sake. Writing takes time, and partly because I know that people read my blog (family and a few friends so why should it matter?) and it makes me a little bit self conscious. Mostly time, but still. So I am attempting to decide where I want to go with it.

My sister in law and I were talking one day and she told me that she read my blog and that my life seemed so perfect. I had to share with her several episodes from the week to assure her that it just ain't so. But... the important thing to me, is to focus on the good. To find joy in life, whether life is hard at that point or it isn't. But... will this give a false impression to my children and grandchildren when they read our family journal? I feel I should be including more of my testimony in my writings, my true feelings, maybe slide in a frustrating story or two (like the fact that while I was ordering online from Old Navy the day after Thanksgiving and things kept disappearing out of my bag, to the point that I did not end up with the fleeces for Ellyn and Sadie that I had originally gotten online to order). See how hard life can be? Or, say, how much I should write about life with autism. It affects pretty much every day of our life. In good ways and bad.

So that is where I'm at. It may be rocky for awhile. I have definitely noticed a change in how I wrote at the beginning and now. The idea of an audience, no matter how small, changes the way I write. Not that I mind readers either. I'm pretty sure that I love everyone that reads my blog. Just, that tends to be who I'm writing to, please just ignore me. I'm babbling. Shocker huh?

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